the feelings of being ugly

first of all you don't show the feelings. you hide them
there is a hidden door in your soul, and in it are your secrets
the dark side of being ugly
the jokes to embarrass others or laugh when others are publicly shamed
still it is your face you find uncomfortable, the slouch in your back
that gives you away.
the piercing words, that continue to hide the feelings of being ugly.
you become a slimy snail, to be stepped on and crushed, guts over concrete
or a lioness that roars so hard and fast, she drives you away, no one is around
maybe the please-don't-give-me-a-compliment-cos-i'll-give-you-many-reasons-not to look
or crispy mouth gets in the way because your throat speaks louder than our soul
your soul hidden in the door with secrets, burying the feelings of being ugly
you may have friends, and they uglier than you, or more beautiful than you to hide in they too
your breath smells like pineapple, you use smelly lotions
but your bed smells like shit, and nobody knows it
your pain so deep, that too is hidden
hide to protect, preserve, and survive
and when we let go, someone will teach it, or we'll receive it as a gift of grace and act of God,
we'll know the freedom of feeling, more beautiful than that on your face
soulful feelings more filling than
sustaining the act of
burying
and
hiding.