reading, writing, reading, writing

20 years of reading and writing, you'd think i'd be an expert by now. but i'm not. i find solace that the long for perfection has been a long, uneventful journey---one of tears and waning confidence.  i've been told i  under-estimate my abilities. it is true, i do. i set the bar low, and its hard to imagine. sometimes consciously other times i don't even realize i am destroying the possibilities of winning by my attitude. naturally, the negativity, comes out in my speech, and those who love me call me out on this. falling short in my own expectations. how will i ever win, if i don't expect to, yet i'm expected to win and mostly everybody else predicts i'll win. hmmmmm. interestante. i am expected to win, and everybody else's prediction doesn't matter. its a relationship with a telephone and a land-line that directly dials the heavenly telephone owned by my Creator. i have some questions, and i'm seeking answers. my faith seeks understanding, but is it for my self-serving ways? i'm hoping when i call tonight i see Shekinah and the glory. when i ascend into the heavenly realms, a place where no one else goes. a place where its just me and You. that's the kind of power that transforms the hearts and the minds. nothing else comes close. we won't achieve social transformation if our hearts and our minds remain the same.