i'm not your typical girl. neither am i an ordinary woman. i'm crazy. or as my best friend says, "you're not crazy, you wouldn't be drizzy any other way" that's affirming. but in reflecting my feelings these days: i discovered when i heard my friend say it this evening: i'm angry. ANGERED. they were her words but my spirit identified them immediately and the alarm went off. i'm not seeing RED, yet, thank God almighty. but i'm close. foreseeing this God removed me from my environment and took me to the ocean this weekend. BLUE. calming, tranquil till a thorn dug my skin and made me bleed. there before me was RED the color of my anger. i was boiling hot water today and one bubble lashed out at me and subtly seared the bottom corner of chin. there before me in the mirror when i took a quick look before my midnight pee: RED. it is haunting me. but before i go any further i predict the following stages of anger. and i demand that i, but not so consumed with anger for it can eat me up like cancer a rotting corpse.
1) neutrality- very easy for me to do. heart is made of stone. no emotions, you might get a laugh, i may be lost in thought, but you'll get absolutely nothing from me. this is my safe zone covered by endless amounts of blankets and baby bottles. only i know.
2) a smile- the safest most commonly spoke language. a passerby: flash a smile, connection minimal at best, conversation starter at worse. dam.
3) la carcajada- a might be in a better place if my ass is rollin. in fact, a great place. when i laugh, i laugh from the bottom, of the most bottomest of my heart.
4) anger- the deadliest...once i pass through smiles and laughter oddly enough i get ANGRY. which isn't a bad thing, its how i channel it that becomes the problem.
5) freedom- once i overcome the uphilly-ness of anger, i do a cool-down stretch to freedom. and so that cycle continues.
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