the fuck-up

her "i love you"s were self-serving. she sneaked her boyfriend in her family house, and then dreamed of her mother, slipping through the walls with the powers of La llorona and wearing a white robe. the mother took a peak at the two lovers in bed. with a mixture of jealously and fear she whispered, "puta."Whore. the thoughts of her mother whispered loud. "what a nosy bitch," she said, but it was too late. her mother grabbed her mija by the hand, and took her to the hut where it happened. in 1976 her mother was raped by her uncle. she's never told a soul, until she took her daughter in her dreams. but what the mother didn't know, is that her daughter already knew, the signs were there even before her brain had formed in the womb. she cried the first ten years of her life, not knowing why, but her body knew. until one day, she met laughter, the next day she met shame. when she met shame, she couldn't eat her fried KFC chicken on her plate, her neighbors window broke with a rock, and her father had to pay. the same rock that would later assuage her heart. the pain of the rock to deep, it scarred. she was afraid of men until she entered the year of the birth-day of the enigma. then men became her refuge, seeking the thrill of fear mixed with intrigue, and feeling the depths of spirit memory, he had raped her mother. the immortal spirit carried the secret, and she knew. before she was floating in the fluids of both father and mother. mother carried fear of men, but she needed a father, so she married a man. "pick wisely," she told daughter when daughter doesn't know any better. this is only the beginning. mother transported her silenced fear through her fluids floating in her placenta. all her daugther could do was absorb it, confusing it with vitamin D. duaghter became the fuck-up of failed relationships and broken pieces. until she let go, she could finally hear freedom. tasting for the the second time release. in the distance she recognized healing, and a lifetime of heridas invisibles.