staying reflective in the crisis

i notice a pattern on this blog. the pattern is a write a lot of my angst out of writing. i'm glad their is a record of my shadow side with writing, because my journey is not all flying unicorns and chocolate buttercups. something happened to me at work yesterday that uncovered another one of my shadows. shadow is another way to say learning edge, growth edge, quirk or, let's break it down, straight up weakness. a crisis happened at work, and i failed to share with my co-worker what i truly felt about the situation. instead, i let her worry become my worry and cloud my feelings. i became reactionary instead of reflective. as i reflect on the incident, i can name my feelings and the despair i felt in the moment. i felt alone and unsupported by my co-worker throughout the shift and i was not able to express this to her. instead, i kept silent. my survival tendencies have shaped me to be "keep calm" during times of high tension. this happened in my family when emotions were out of control and ready to punch-someone-in-the-face. in those instances of family violence, i remained silent. unable to name my feelings because i am embedded in the despair of the moment. so i swallow my words, and ignore my heart. numbed by the moment i freeze my feelings. only to resume later, and discover the soil where the emotional seeds fell. i am at a loss of what to do, do i go back and remind the co-worker of the situation. do ignore what happened and be better next time? i don't know.